This Place Is Death

If I wrote a book about all the advice I give people, as i’ve been told I should. It wouldn’t make anyone listen any more than they already do. 

“I fear being like everyone I hate, I fear failure, I fear losing control. I love balancing between chaos and control with everything I do. I always have a fear of going one way or another, getting lost in something, or losing everything to get lost in. And I fear being a completely acceptable sheep in society.” -Marilyn Manson

While i’m ranting, I may as well dedicate a small portion of tonight’s to a special somebody. You complain about issues with communicating with people. Yet you’re the hardest person to squeeze even the smallest amount of attention out of. “I’m busy” means “I’m too busy to deal with -you-“. You will never appreciate the effort I put forward to be a part of your life and you will never appreciate me in general. I know it’s a waste of my time, and I know what the end result will be. I don’t entertain the idea of “What if..” in any situation. But what’s an artist without a thorn in his side to remind him why he strives to do better?

Leave me to my illusions.

Something to match the irritated mood i’m in. I realize at the most random times how much of my life is full of people who are emotional trainwrecks. I’m not an exception to this but it’s fucking irritating to realize that i’m one of the three sane people in my close family with the ability to keep my life together and not fall victim to addiction, lose my job and wallow in poverty, or simply leech off anyone with any amount of success. I’m not a fucking role model but compared to what’s left of my family, i’m that and then some. Why am I the only one who can learn from other people’s mistakes?

And then I think about the people I surround myself with and how they all have such a hard time coping with their problems. Yes, sometimes things are hard to deal with, not everyone has had an easy life. But you will NEVER have an easier time doing anything than the privileged little pricks who are born into perfect families with money and no problems. It doesn’t matter what you have going on in life, you have to deal with it and move the fuck on. People bitching about other people having an easier time than themselves irritate me to no end. I do this too sometimes but I realize how wrong I am. You just have to work against the curve and make up for it. FUCKING DEAL WITH IT. It’s not an excuse to act stupid and ruin your life even more.

Nobody can control what happens in your life. Living is a matter of overcoming those obstacles. No amount of complaining will fix anything for you. And no matter how many times I tell any of the people this is directed at all this, it will never sink in. 

For some time I refused to get a Tumblr. I saw no reason to do so. However, after giving it some thought(And after Krista started to nag me about it) i’ve decided to check out what the fuss is about. I still think it’s pointless. However, I feel the need to vent certain thoughts in a public place for some reason. SO!

This is basically a fancy blog to me. I’m not putting a filter on myself here. If you don’t like what I write here, you don’t need to follow me. This is insight into my thoughts. You dont need to deal with it, but you’re free to stare at the page as much as you want.